Download E-books Salaam, Love: American Muslim Men on Love, Sex, and Intimacy PDF

By Ayesha Mattu, Nura Maznavi

From the editors of the groundbreaking anthology Love, InshAllah comes a provocative new exploration of the main intimate elements of Muslim men’s lives. 
 
Muslim males are stereotyped as both oversexed Casanovas prepared to die for seventy-two virgins in heaven or controlling, big-bearded husbands able to rampage on the trace of dishonor. in fact, there are thousands of Muslim males attempting to work out the advanced terrain of affection, intercourse, and relationships similar to the other American man.
 
In Salaam, Love, Ayesha Mattu and Nura Maznavi offer an area for American Muslim males to talk brazenly approximately their romantic lives, delivering frank, humorous, and insightful glimpses into their hearts—and bedrooms. The twenty-two writers come from a wide spectrum of ethnic, racial, and spiritual perspectives—including orthodox, cultural, and secular Muslims—reflecting the energy and variety in their religion group and of America.
 
by way of elevating their voices to proportion tales of affection and heartbreak, loyalty and betrayal, intimacy and insecurity, these Muslim males are top the way in which for all males to acknowledge that being open and sincere approximately their emotions isn't just okay—it’s in detail hooked up to their lives and significant to their happiness and future health.

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She can’t stroll. . . . I don’t understand what’s taking place. ” “In disease and in health and wellbeing . . . ” I had heard that word such a lot of instances; the “old-age clause” within the marriage vow. no longer that I bear in mind any particular vows—other than my confirmation that I agreed to be her husband. It used to be all one of these blur. i used to be completely bewildered, having landed in Pakistan the day sooner than, attended our mehndi that evening, after which come to her family’s condo for the reliable wedding ceremony the subsequent morning. Remembering our marriage ceremony the 12 months sooner than, I sat there feeling helpless in her health facility room. I didn’t know the way to help her in her time of want. The door opened and her father walked in with a hot and soothing smile. For the 1st time in days, she expressed honest aid simply because anyone had eventually arrived on whom she might depend. i used to be her husband, yet I wasn’t relations. relatives isn't really created via blood ties or marital contracts. relations is an trade of intimacy, belief, sympathy, suggestions, and caregiving that connects our souls. For years I stored my very own family members at arm’s size in pursuit of a fierce independence from intrusion, challenge, guilt, or whatever that will complicate my pursuit of self-indulgence. i used to be constantly trying to find an exceptional chance or a great time, and when you didn’t are looking to come in addition to me that used to be effective so long as you didn’t stand in my approach. That’s to not say that I by no means cast any significant relationships. yet on reflection, I realize that once the folks closest to me have been in want, I wasn’t in a position to absolutely hear or be current simply because i used to be self-consumed, nervous approximately how i used to be being impacted or busily formulating a reaction rather than concentrating on the opposite individual. Over the following couple of weeks, Ayesha recovered, even though we by no means acquired a company prognosis. A victory, yet nonetheless shallow and incomplete, like my solution to be a greater husband. Later that summer season, we moved to a extra spacious house that used to be towards her workplace. yet a brand new handle can’t assist you get away your difficulties whilst your difficulties are inside of your self, and forgetting the past—which isn’t fairly possible—does no longer heal a wounded middle. by the point my father came around, later that fall, i used to be deeply depressed. a couple of rounds of marital counseling had helped us diffuse the battling and afforded civil discourse, yet our communique remained sparse. I wallowed in deepest distress, considering if my destiny could encompass never-ending dutiful days. regardless of my honest repentance, issues weren’t larger. belief takes years to rebuild. One night in the course of his remain, Dad and that i went out jointly. I had by no means talked with him approximately what used to be happening among Ayesha and me. yet I laid all of it out at the desk: the transgression, tension, counseling, the near-divorce. i wanted suggestion badly. What I obtained in its place used to be a beautiful mirrored image. He replied with a few debts of his personal marital concerns, complained for a section approximately his spouse, and talked in summary clichés concerning the demanding situations of facing ladies and marriage. rather than attractive me approximately my state of affairs, he vented approximately his difficulties.

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