By Carl Hiaasen
Chaz Perrone might care extra approximately Hummers than hammerheads, yet he’s performed pretty much for himself as a marine biologist, doctoring water samples in order that an agribusiness magnate can proceed dumping fertilizer into the Everglades. while Chaz suspects that his spouse, Joey Perrone, has found out his rip-off, he resolves to push her overboard a cruise liner into the seething Atlantic. but when Chaz is a subpar scientist, he’s an excellent worse killer. Joey, clinging blindly to a bale of Jamaican pot, is plucked from the sea through a rugged stranger. rather than dashing to the gurus, she seizes the chance to stick useless and, along with her new friend’s aid, screw with Chaz until eventually he screws himself. upload in an ill-tempered detective with a penchant for albino pythons, an oddly hirsute bodyguard hooked on fentanyl, and an unscrupulous boss growing to be uneasy approximately his lackey’s more and more erratic habit . . . and Chaz’s existence is ready to get an awful lot extra fascinating.
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It pissed off him while humans bought snooty approximately addressing him as “Dr. ” The reporter requested, “So when’d you final see Mrs. Perrone? ” Chaz gave an abbreviated model of an analogous account that he’d given the detective. The reporter didn’t precisely sound riveted, which used to be advantageous with Chaz. an incredible splash within the media used to be the very last thing he sought after. “Do you've got any theories approximately what may need occurred? ” the reporter requested. “I can’t think. You ever heard of something like this? ” “Sure. humans disappear off those cruise ships from time to time, yet often it seems to be . . . ” “Turns out to be what? ” Chaz requested, even though he good knew the reply: drunken injuries or suicides. Oh, he’d performed his homework. “They’re no longer telling me a great deal. It definite is frustrating,” he extra. “I’ll name you if I pay attention anything,” the reporter acknowledged. “How lengthy will you be at this quantity? ” “Until they locate her,” Chaz spoke back stoically. later on he moved quickly right down to the foyer and phoned Ricca from a pay sales space. “Something terrible’s happened,” he instructed her. “Joey fell off the send. ” “Fell off? How? ” “Least that’s what they suspect. They can’t locate her wherever. ” “Oh my God,” stated Ricca. “It’s simply unimaginable. ” “You imagine might be she jumped? ” “Why could she do a specific thing like that! ” “Maybe she discovered approximately us. ” “Absolutely no longer. ” “Well, that’s good,” acknowledged Ricca. there has been a pause at the different finish that Chaz deciphered instantly. Ricca acknowledged, “Maybe she figured out approximately whatever else. ” “Please don’t begin with that shit. no longer now,” Chaz pleaded. Ricca didn’t belief him so far as she may possibly spit. “Maybe another person. Like one other female friend. ” “Don’t be asinine. You’re the one one. ” “As if. ” “Ricca, I don’t have time to your Glenn shut impersonation right away. part the U. S. Coast defend is out trying to find my wife—boats, jets, helicopters, it’s unimaginable. ” “You don’t have the other girlfriends? relatively, Chaz? ” “Yes, relatively. glance, I’d greater signal off—” “I may well come by way of tonight,” she advised, “take your brain off all this miserable stuff. ” He was once tempted to claim certain, yet Ricca used to be a loud one. On a minimum of 3 events, her orgasmic caterwauling had introduced lodge safeguard officials thundering to the door, convinced that an ice-pick homicide was once in development. No such tumult may be risked tonight—it will be bad shape for a husband to be stuck bonking a mistress lower than twenty-four hours after his spouse had perished. “Call you tomorrow,” Chaz acknowledged to Ricca. “Baby, I’m lousy sorry approximately Joey. ” “Me, too. goodbye, Ricca. ” “Wait. Who’s Glenn shut? ” Chaz stopped on the inn bar and ordered a martini. Rolvaag, the Broward detective, came upon him there. “You desire a drink? ” Chaz requested. “Let’s opt for a walk,” the detective stated. Chaz poured his drink right into a move cup and Rolvaag outdoors. The solar was once environment and the elements used to be light and breezy, like the evening ahead of. a marriage used to be happening on the inn, the bride posing for pictures in entrance of a lush bougainvillea hedge within the courtyard.